Joke 1:

A man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat and sits at the bar. The bartender walks over to them and says, "What can I get for you?"The man says "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says, "OK, that will be $3.87."The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. About an hour later the bartender goes back over to them and says, "What'll you guys have?"The man says, "I'll have a beer", the ostrich says, "I'll have a beer", and the cat says "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." The bartender gets them their beer and says "That'll be $3.87."The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him. A couple of days later they come back into the bar and the bartender walks over and asks "What do you guys want today?"The man says, "I'll have a scotch", the ostrich says, "I'll have a bourbon", and the cat says, "I'll have half a beer and I'm not buying." So the bartender says "OK, that will be $7.53." The man reaches into his pocket and brings out the exact change and pays him.The bartender's curiosity got the best of him and he asks, "Why is it that every time I tell you the amount you owe you always have the exact change in you pocket?"The man said, "I found a bottle with a genie in it and she granted me 3 wishes. My first wish was that I always have the exact change in my pocket for anything I buy."The bartender says, "That's a great wish...better than asking for a million dollars. A million dollars will run out but that never will. What were your other 2 wishes?"The man says, "That's where I screwed up. I asked for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy."

Joke 2:

Queen Elizabeth II was visiting one of New York's finest hospitals and during her tour of the wards she passed a room where one of the male patients was masturbating."Oh God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"The doctor leading the tour explains, "I am sorry your Royal Highness, but this man has a very serious condition where his testicles fill up rapidly with semen. If he doesn't do what he is doing at least 5 times per day, he could swell up and he might die""Oh, I am sorry," said the Queen, "I was unaware that such a medical condition existed."On the same floor they soon passed another room where a young, blonde nurse was performing oral sex on another patient."Oh my God," said the Queen, "What's happening here?"The doctor replied, "Same problem, better health plan."

Joke 3:

A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve. Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks. He is about to leave when the girl, who happens to be a gorgeous redhead, says in a sexy voice, "Oh Santa, please stay. Keep the chill away."Santa replies, "HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice, "Oh Santa, don't run a mile; just stay for a while..."Santa begins to sweat but replies, "HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."The girl takes off her bra and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay."Santa wipes his brow but replies, "HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."She loses the panties and says, "Oh Santa... Please... Stay...."Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow, says, "HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay! Can't get up the chimney with my pecker this way!!!

- Smile! Rappy